To bribe or not to bribe? That is the question. Bribery poses rather an ethical dilemma and can be a rather negative tool if used incorrectly.
Most parents, would flatly deny that they have ever bribed their children but we know better. You just have to observe parents in a supermarket to see them in action, offering a host of unsavoury items to placate their children. I have witnessed a child eat a combination of Vienna sausages and marshmallows and all this in the name of sanity. I do admit, that I too have found myself in this predicament at times. Most parents of younger children arrive sheepishly at the cash out point with a variety of opened, half eaten items, either that or anarchy.
Not to mention what can occur on transatlantic flights, it all comes down to keeping your children happy and quiet and not disturbing the rest of the passengers.
So yes, I am willing to admit that using a bribe can be a useful tool but as children get older, we as parents may need to rethink this practice. Especially when it comes to bribing children to get good grades, a very tempting thought but something that could backfire.
I think that the use of rewards and consequences can have a more positive effect on our children. However, both rewards and consequences need to be modified, to suit both the age of the child and the situation at hand. The reward must match the behaviour. Giving a child a Nintendo game or something similar for wining a sports match is not setting a good precedent. This will teach our children to put the incorrect value on basic functions. Using a fun activity like a trip to the beach or the park as a reward may be better, than something of material value.
I also believe that certain things in life should be common practice and do not warrant rewards. Good manners and good behaviour should not come at a price, if they are not adhered to there should be rather be consequences. We do not want to find ourselves in the situation that after every good deed a child expects something in return.
Using personal goals for older children can be far better than using material rewards, teaching them that validation does not come with a price tag. We would like to in still in our children, that the reward for hard work is success and achievement and does not always have to be material.
What method do you prescribe to and do you find it difficult not to bribe for your own gain?
Difficult one this. I think that the line between bribery and incentives becomes less definitive as the kids get older. I think we have all resorted to bribery at some stage (especially when kids are little). But now, as you know we have offered an incentive to our son to keep up his good grades. The reason for this is that he is more than capable of doing it but can be very lazy. We are trying to instil in him a good work/study ethic from now that will hopefully carry him through the rest of school/ life. Think it is very hard for kids now, especially as they are finding their niche at school and with their peers to want to fit in. Our son was so embarrased that his name was mentioned in the school newsletter and that I had said I was proud of him on Facebook! We had to explain that it was ok to have people congratulate you and that he should be proud of what he achieved. Now, hopefully he understands that and can achieve his marks and be proud of them, rather than mortified. I also think there is a fine line between offering an incentive/ bribing your child for your personal gain. I see this at school where Dad was an A team rugby player and they push their boys so hard with all sorts of promises (and threats) as it is simply not acceptable to be in the B or C team. Was much simpler when you offered junior a sweetie so you could quickly finish your shopping!
Thanks – Shell, I agree there is such a fine line between the two and when you are desperate, you will do almost anything! I guess the key is finding balance and finding something that suits your situation as a parent! Keep the thoughts coming – it is much appreciated!