I have always had a strong belief in self -preservation but who am I kidding! Once you have stepped over to the “other side”, what the professionals like to call motherhood, life as you knew it is over.
Apart from the ever increasing waist line, stretch marks and the savage reality of wrinkles or “fine- lines”, as the media calls it, when can you remember the last occasion you actually managed to complete a train of thought, never mind a conversation with another adult? I have vague memories of actually sitting down to eat lunch, which consisted of more than a just a handful of nuts and biltong sticks, on the run. Your brain is just not tuned the way it used to be. I remember reading about a condition known as ‘porridge-brain’, experienced during pregnancy; what they failed to mention is that this condition is permanent. I guess a great deal of these things can be attributed to age but I am not convinced.
The rather sad realisation is that up until a few months ago I was still convinced that someday, I would be able to fit into my pre-pregnancy clothing. Maybe it’s the fact that I am approaching 40, with what seems to be the speed of a bullet train, but my perspective on life has changed somewhat. The thought of aging or the fact that I will probably never again fit into those size 30 jeans, is no longer of extreme importance to me.
So the reality that I am faced with is that my life is definitely on a different course. The things I previously wanted have morphed into a deep-seated desire to see my children happy and successful. Yes, I guess, I have gained a completely selfless outlook. OK, in all honesty not completely selfless but I am working on it.
The big question is, am I happy with this new reformed version of me? The young vivacious 20 year old, inside is screaming “hell no” but the mother of two knows better. Like an animal in the wild I have adapted to my surroundings. It certainly does not mean that I have lost sight of my dreams and desires but I have had to alter the vision for my life to include that of my family. Although I would still love to be carefree and self-indulgent, I have a family and they depend on me. I need to be wife and a mother first and hopefully the rest will fall into place.
So just call me Mom!
They say that in your first pregnancy you can’t wait to wear you maternity clothes. In the second you wait til the last minute to wear them and if you have a third pregnancy then your maternity clothes become your clothes forever more 🙂 I think we can safely blame our children for those extra few (yeh right!) kilograms, afterall they blame us for everything that goes wrong in their lives! Anyway…can someone pass me the chips 🙂
Thanks for leaving a comment – I wish more people would! Life is truly never the same again!
Very true Jackie! Not sure about the part after your 3rd pregnancy though – I weigh less now (my baby is 9 months old) than I did before I fell pregnant for the 3rd time. But, my sister calls it the ‘3 children diet!’ I have some dip for those chips….
Thanks for leaving a comment – actually know that somebody is reading the stuff I write! I am not convinced about this diet though & definitely not having another baby to try it out!