The first thing that comes to my mind when I think of the word ‘existence’ is life. Without life we would not exist, this is a very simple concept to understand. This is not a discussion on creation versus evolution. It is just me trying to understand why I do things the way I do.

I have heard all the psychology behind living a happy and fulfilling life, but for some of us, “just living” is quite difficult. I guess what I am trying to say is that I would love to possess that ‘whatever happens’ – ‘devil may care’ attitude, but that just does not come naturally to me. Part of me thinks that being calculated and planned is far more practical and necessary to make my life work. However, there needs to be a lighter, brighter side to life as well.

I was always accused of being far too serious at school but there was a job that needed doing and I felt that my method of getting it done was a good one for me. Do not get me wrong, I did not have a miserable time at school but I took it fairly seriously.

How does this translate to my life today, as a wife and mother? I planned my wedding with great determination. I definitely planned my two children and am blessed to have them, knowing what some people have to go through just trying to conceive.

My husband would contest this, but I feel I am a realist and still take life fairly seriously. This is definitely apparent in my parenting methods. Not to say that I love the mundane routine of everyday life, but I am determined to be the best mother that I can be.

I was reading an article today on parenting teenagers, a phase of parenting which I am fast approaching. It stated that although teenagers require freedom, they still need firm boundaries. I feel that boundaries are a vital part of parenting and in most other areas of life too.

So where am I heading with this article? I guess that I would love not to have to plan and calculate everything I do, but I am not sure that it is in my nature to do otherwise. A friend mentioned the other day that one of the dads in her circle of friends, rolls around on the floor playing with his child. So my question begs, is this an age related thing or an inherent temperament, that we either do or do not have? In my opinion we parent as we are. If we are free and easy as people, it reflects in our parenting style. The control freaks like me, definitely have a harder time letting go, as we would like everything to be precise and we calculate all we do.

Does this calculated way of life have negative effects on our children or does it teach them to value life and all the opportunities afforded to them.  Would I rather bring my child up without a care in the world, or rather to respect and care for themselves and the world around them? I guess, for me, definitely the latter.  One of the things I am learning is that we cannot change who our children are but we can certainly influence who they become.

For me, leading a measured existence is almost a necessity rather than an option. It is in my nature and although I sometimes feel envious of those that can do it differently, I know that I have been created this way for a purpose.  Be it to parent my children in a certain manner or some other equally important reason, it was preordained the moment I was born.

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5

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