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How safe is the internet for our children?

How Safe is the Internet

As a parent you would certainly not allow your child to hop on a train or bus unaccompanied and travel into unknown territory where they could encounter unsavoury characters and be exposed to potentially harmful situations. Then it may also be safe to assume that you would not allow your child to roam cyber space unsupervised? We cannot deny that computers and the internet have become part of our everyday lives but in the same breath we as parents need to be responsible for our children’s exposure to this technological world.

As a family we are quite computer or tech orientated but as with the monitoring of TV, it is our responsibility to ensure that our children are protected and aware of the potential dangers of exposing themselves to the digital world out there. I think that firstly you need to monitor the amount of time children spend on the computer and the internet, give them set parameters to adhere to and set consequences if these are not met. It is also important to encourage children to spend time outdoors, not just focused on a screen for hours on end! Most importantly, as with television, make sure that you have parental control software installed, on your home or child’s computer. Installing software like K9 Web Protection is essential and the best way to ensure your children are safe from potential online predators or exposure to unsuitable web content.

I feel that it is important to implement these measures early on, as soon as your children are computer literate. You will be amazed at how tech savvy children are, even from preschool age and just how easy it is to innocently stumble upon unsavoury content. In my mind the best policy is not to take any chances, install the necessary software and educate your children about the internet, as soon as they are old enough to understand. Making them aware of the fact that it is not safe to give out their personal details over the web.

According to stats from K9 Web Protection, one in four children have unwanted exposure to inappropriate pictures each year and nine of ten children aged 8-16 have viewed pornography on the Internet, often in the process of doing homework.

I also feel that exposure to Social networking sites, like Twitter and Facebook should be held off for as long as possible, young children are not mature enough to understand the potential threats that they may be exposed to by using these sites.

So most importantly, we as parents, need to beware of what our children are doing when it comes to internet and computer usage and keep the line of communication open at all times, so that they will feel free to ask questions at any time.

Source:©FAR Photography

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My Top 4 Bits of Parenting Advice

I have never really been someone who readily dishes out unsolicited parenting advice – I think I have been burnt once too often by the reaction you get from some people, so now I mostly just smile and nod knowingly! So rather than call this advice, we will file this list under the title of “I wish I knew Then, What I Know Now!”

My Top 4 Bits of Parenting Advice

First up – cut yourself some slack; you most definitely are not expected to be the perfect parent, especially the first time around! Just remember all children will eventually “eat”, “sit”, “walk”, “Sleep” – so don’t sweat the small stuff and do not compare your children with their peers or yourself with others parents (it’s dangerous). We all get there in our own time.

Let your children discover the “world” for themselves, try not to be a helicopter parent, calculating your child’s every move, constantly doing everything for them – it’s exhausting and they do need to find out stuff for themselves. Sometimes they need to “burn” themselves to find out that something is indeed “hot”! Which certainly does not mean you should not protect your child but be careful to not “over-protect” them.

Remember to look after yourself and remember to put yourself first sometimes. Nurture those relationships that are important too, especially your marriage. You are of no use as a parent if you are constantly stressed out, take time out for yourself, find a hobby, read a book, get a pedicure (yes even Dad’s!) – you get the picture!

Last but certainly not least remember to enjoy your children, laugh with them, talk to them, especially as they get older. Very often we are so busy with our own lives; we forget that our children are “people” too. Make time to share family meals, get to know your children, find out what makes them tick, what they like or what they don’t! You may not always agree or get along but that’s life. Just remember that someday they won’t want you around or want to talk to you and then it may be too late!

Walk A Little Slower Daddy

“Walk a Little slower, Daddy.” said a little child so small.

I’m following in your footsteps and I don’t want to fall.

Sometimes your steps are very fast, sometimes they’re hard to see;

So walk a little slower Daddy, for you are leading me.

Someday when I’m all grown up, You’re what I want to be.

Then I will have a little child who’ll want to follow me.

And I would want to lead just right, and know that I was true;

So, walk a little slower, Daddy, for I must follow you!!

~author unknown

Images: ©FAR Photography

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Helping your child to develop a good body image

Nobody ever said that parenting was going to be easy and I must admit parenting two girls is not without its challenges. Especially when it comes to developing a good body image and tricky subjects and like weight, looks, sibling rivalry to touch on just a few! Just when you think you have it sussed they throw another curve ball at you!

Developing a Good Body Image

So my dilemma at the moment is how to encourage a healthy sense of one’s physical appearance without making an issue out of it or over emphasising the topic. I will not deny the fact that I have always been body conscious but I do try and ensure that I eat a balanced diet and exercise regularly. As parents, my husband and I both try and focus on the health aspect, emphasising healthy body – healthy mind. In a perfect world this would be enough but unfortunately once our children become aware of the media and what the “world” deems as being acceptable – it feels like we are fighting a losing battle.

Statistically South Africa falls somewhere in the middle of the graph as far as fatalities caused by eating disorders, the USA has the highest rate – somewhat alarming when my daughters are trying to model themselves on American pop stars and actresses. Please do not get me wrong, I am not saying that all popular people have eating disorders but the media certainly makes a big deal if anyone of them puts on a few extra pounds!

After reading an article recently on the “Fad” diets that actresses follow, I was even more alarmed at what length someone will go to “lose weight”. The most terrifying diet mentioned in the article is “the Baby Food Diet” – you have got to be kidding me, this cannot be healthy or pleasant to do. The thing is I love good food to much too even contemplate doing something like this; what’s better than a delicious steak and a baked potato – yum! (I am making my own mouth water!) I will admit that I have certainly tried a few crazy “detoxes” in my time but never lasted more than a few days – who wants to eat onion soup three times a day!

Where does this leave us as parents and how do we deal with children who show signs of becoming obsessed with losing weight and developing a full blown eating disorder? I guess the thing we have to realise is that having an eating disorder does not always mean you are thin – binge disorders can make people over weight. The issue lies with an unhealthy relationship with food, so the most important thing we as parents can do is lead by example – ensure that our children see us eating a healthy well balance diet and exercising regularly. By doing this we can encourage them to do the same and focus on the health aspect rather than the weigh aspect.

I think we also need to be sensitive to our children’s feelings and perception of their own body – encourage them to talk about how they feel. Also be aware of what you say about others – I always maintain if its not positive or helpful, keep your mouth shut! Which brings to mind an incident which happened over the weekend – a rather insensitive shop assistant told my very impressionable 10 year old that she had fat on her ankles (we were shoe shopping) – as I said if you don’t have anything good to say then don’t say anything! I then had to spend the rest of the afternoon explaining that the woman had no idea what she was talking about and was just trying to make sales – needless to say we did not buy anything from her!

What can we do to help promote a healthy sense of being?

Make sure your family eats breakfast and share family meal times as often as possible.
Limit access to magazines or social media that promote underweight celebs as being glamorous – teach your children to discern what a healthy body image is.
Encourage your children to be active and exercise regularly.
Talk to your children about their feelings towards their own body.
Promote healthy self-esteem and self-respect.
Most importantly, lead by example – live a well-balanced life!

Articles I found helpful on the subject:

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Just Call Me Mom

I have always had a strong belief in self -preservation but who am I kidding! Once you have stepped over to the “other side”, what the professionals like to call motherhood, life as you knew it is over.

Apart from the ever increasing waist line, stretch marks and the savage reality of wrinkles or “fine- lines”, as the media calls it, when can you remember the last occasion you actually managed to complete a train of thought, never mind a conversation with another adult? I have vague memories of actually sitting down to eat lunch, which consisted of more than a just a handful of nuts and biltong sticks, on the run. Your brain is just not tuned the way it used to be. I remember reading about a condition known as ‘porridge-brain’, experienced during pregnancy; what they failed to mention is that this condition is permanent. I guess a great deal of these things can be attributed to age but I am not convinced.

The rather sad realisation is that up until a few months ago I was still convinced that someday, I would be able to fit into my pre-pregnancy clothing. Maybe it’s the fact that I am approaching 40, with what seems to be the speed of a bullet train, but my perspective on life has changed somewhat. The thought of aging or the fact that I will probably never again fit into those size 30 jeans, is no longer of extreme importance to me.

So the reality that I am faced with is that my life is definitely on a different course. The things I previously wanted have morphed into a deep-seated desire to see my children happy and successful. Yes, I guess, I have gained a completely selfless outlook. OK, in all honesty not completely selfless but I am working on it.

The big question is, am I happy with this new reformed version of me? The young vivacious 20 year old, inside is screaming “hell no” but the mother of two knows better. Like an animal in the wild I have adapted to my surroundings. It certainly does not mean that I have lost sight of my dreams and desires but I have had to alter the vision for my life to include that of my family. Although I would still love to be carefree and self-indulgent, I have a family and they depend on me. I need to be wife and a mother first and hopefully the rest will fall into place.

So just call me Mom!