The Inspiration for this post came after a recent incident with my girls, it was nothing majorly significant but it just made me realise how different they are and how different their needs are, especially when it comes to love! So I hope this can be of some help to you, in your journey of love, be it as a mother, wife, father, sister, husband etc.
Do you know what your love language is?
Your love language is essentially the “thing” that fills up your “love tank”; in essence what makes you feel loved and appreciated. It is not always one specific thing but there are definitely things which mean more to us and make us feel loved. After 30 years of marriage counselling, Dr Gary Chapman started to see a pattern in how we give and receive love. He wrote a book detailing his findings, called The 5 Love Languages.
What he found is that each person has a primary love language and it is important to be able to identify what that is. However, before you can establish what your primary love language or your loved ones is, you need to know what the 5 love languages are:
Words of Affirmation:
Compliments, words of praise or love are important to you, hearing the words “I love you” would be essential to you. Positive words are vital if this is your primary language but on the contrary negative or harsh words can be devastating to you.
Quality Time:
You are the sort of person, that thrives on someone’s full and undivided attention. Quality conversation is also important and you appreciate it when somebody really listens to you, not just hands out advice. You also enjoy people sharing their feelings with you.
Receiving Gifts:
This is not as much to do with the actual gift is, it is what the gift represents. You would not appreciate someone forgetting a special anniversary but a beautiful card would be as valued as an expensive gift.
Acts of Service:
You appreciate somebody doing something for you, no matter how small the deed. Just having someone do the shopping or cook you a meal would speak volumes. The opposite would also be true; you would not appreciate it, if a person was lazy or apathetic towards you.
Physical touch:
If this is your love language, is not only about intimate touch, a pat on the back, a gentle touch on the arm or even having your hair brushed could be important to you . You need to feel the closeness of physical presence and withholding this would feel like rejection.
Now that you know what the 5 Love Languages are, how do you know which is your primary language? You can ask yourself these simple questions:
- What do I desire most out of all of these 5 things?
- What makes me feel loved?
- What hurts me the deepest?
- What do I request most in a relationship?
- What do I do to express love to someone?
Once you have answered these questions you should have a better idea, as to what your primary language is. If want to be sure, there is also an online assessment which you can do, click on this link to the website 5 Love languages. I have completed the assessment and my primary language is Quality Time. So do not waste any time, discover what yours is!
It is amazing that once you know what yours is and that of your loved ones, how much easier it is to understand how to really love someone and fill their “love tank!
Happy Lovin’
I’m reading the Five Love Languages of children and Five Love Languages book at the moment too 😉 Yes that is two books at once 🙂 For the first time in ages I’m trying to read a book slowly and let it sink in. I thought seeing as I’m doing the adult version I might as well focus on the kid’s one two -sort of adds more detail actually! I read the adult one when we first got married. I’m finding it so interesting to read again 10 years later. They’re giving me some great ideas and encouragement! Off to do the assessment!
I have read both as well but as you say sometimes we need to revist these things – especially as parents, just to refresh our memories and put it all back into perspective! It is amazing how accurate the assesment was for us – there is one for children as well, so I am keen to let my girls do it! Happy reading 🙂